Muerte Las Vegas

So this past week my friends and I took our annual trip to the oasis in the desert known as Las Vegas, NV. Another 72 hour alcohol binge including looking at girls and gambling far beyond time and logic would allow. I am generally the best casino gambler of all of my friends. I really haven't lost in a really long time. This time I was up $500 after the first night, only to end up giving it all back and then some. I just wanted to share a few highlights/opinions about Las Vegas. A funny story or two and some observations.

One of my friends and I had to share a bed one night. We had 2 beds and three of us so we decided that we would each get a night alone while the other two bunked up. So the first night I decided I wanted to save the $500 that I had won. We the friend who I happened to be sharing the bed with decided to go to the Spearmint Rhino (in my opinion the best strip club in the world). Well he came back several hours later drunk and... Well... charged lets say. He in his sleep thought I was the stripper that he fell in love with (everyone who goes to the Rhino falls in love that night). I had to wake him up a few times because he was touching me in his sleep (rubbing my back, touching my face). I had to really wake him up and yell at him when he started rubbing my hip. That wasn’t going to fly. The shock on his face was priceless. My other friend was just psyched he slept alone that night.

The strongest myth that Las Vegas has going for it isn’t what ever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. The strongest thing it has is that everyone gets laid. My friends and I discussed this a bunch. There were tons of groups of males who all thought they were going to get laid out in Vegas. Whether they did or didn't as long as that myth stays true, the planes will always have more males than females.

Yes, i know how to play craps. Its my favorite thing to do at casinos. Just because i am playing it and standing alone at the table, it doesn’t mean I want to teach you how to play.

If you are winning money playing a game, don’t try and play the same game at a higher limit. It goes fast.

Girls in Vegas are hotter at night and in the casinos than they are in the day at the pool. The girls really know how to show off and hide things better in skirts than they do bathing suits.

Hard Rock Cafe was a pleasant surprise. I didn’t love the room or the people that worked their. But its great to be there at night and when you play in the casino its great to hear good rock songs instead of Top 40 (Palms), 80s (Mandalay Bay), or nothing at all (Belagio). Some of the cool stuff they had around. They had an amazing showcase of Beatles items. Not so much their clothing or instruments, but instead a great collection of dolls, posters, lunch boxes, games, anything to you can think of. Not that I didn't know already but it was a great display of how huge they were. They also had a great showcase of Slash's stuff, a great homage to punk and my favorite was the Sublime showcase. They had the piece of paper with the lyrics to Bad Fish in there.

Meat heads are the worst.

Tao is considered the hottest club in Vegas right now. They made my friend buy and ugly shirt at the Banana Republic before we went in. Then the bouncer wanted to see how close attention the ID checker was paying. He had me and my friend (who looks nothing like me) switch ids. The kid saw his ID and said to him... Chicago! (my friend is from Westchester) and then he said that my ID wasn’t me. I then explained the switch. He wasn’t happy but it was pretty funny. Tao is a crowded shit show. The best thing about it is there are randomly topless (but still covered by flowers) girls everywhere. They are bathing together in the middle of the dance floor; they give each other back rubs on a bed. They dance in their lingerie above the dance floor. That is something I miss about being a club go-er vs. a dive bar guy. Music of choice at Tao- dirty south hip hop.

I will always be more impressed with a guy’s story telling me he got head for free than i will him purchasing one.

The last day we were so beat and just wanted to come home. The flight was miserable and my elevator was broken when i got home form being in the worst cab driver of all times car. The weirdest part of the day however was at the airport. A man in a TSA uniform came up to me with a computer bag told me to take the bag through security with me. I started doing so, but expressed my concern to my friend and the security guard at our checkpoint. They thought it was weird to. The man then came back and said a sarcastic 'thanks a lot' and walked away. Very strange.

Nobu and Prime are great restaurants. Prime is very hard to drink on after. We were the youngest people at Prime which was fairly conservative. There were more hot girls at Nobu than anywhere (besides the Rhino) in Las Vegas.

Ghost Bar is still my favorite bar out there. They care about their list and the people aren't douchey. The outside area cant be beat. Granted the drinks are expensive at any other place. The outside area and the view of the Las Vegas (both old and new is amazing). Also granted, I have an amazing hook up over there so I never pay or wait in line. I def prefer lounges to clubs. Music of choice at Ghost Bar- hip hop, techno, and popular bar songs (Billy Jean, Usher... not as good when that happens).

Famous People- at dinner we saw Emeka Okafor. It was hard to enjoy that since he dominated 'Cuse while at UCONN. Wanderlei Silva (UFC), Kevin Federline (phat), Kevin Dillon (Johnny Drama). It was Kevin Dillon's birthday but the Victory t- shirt and yelling Victory at the Hard Rock pool during Rehab was lame.

Last but not least, thank god I live so far from that place. I generally go 1-2 times a year to Vegas. If i lived in LA it would probably be 6-8 times.

When you are on your way home... you hate Las Vegas.

I love/hate Las Vegas. I am so glad to be home, but I can't wait to go back.